Head or Heart? A Sydrian story
by Nala The Lion
Summary: Sydney thinks that protecting Jill is her only job, but it complicates when Adrian becomes tangled in her life. She tries to think of him as a friend, but how far can she go with Adrian slipping away slowly? Sydney/Adrian, post-The Golden Lily.
1. The Wedding

I flipped through the racks of fancy clothing, looking for a fancy dress, but I was hopeless at this stuff.

A few weeks ago, Sonya invited me to her and Mikhail's wedding. I accepted, but it was tomorrow, and I still didn't have a dress to wear. I stumbled upon a white dress, tight until the waist, then flowing out. It was white with golden embroidery that matched my tattoo and my eyes in the sunlight.

"Hey, Sydney." Rose said. I turned to see her in a strapless white dress that clung to her every curve.

"Hey, Rose!" I hugged her. She stood there, stiffly.

"What the hell did you do to him?" she said, clenching her hands into a fist. I took a step back in alarm.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" I asked, and I saw fire in her eyes. The reception was over, and we were all standing around, eating finger foods.

"Adrian." She said.

"I didn't do anything! He kissed me, and I pulled away because he is a vampire! I don't have any feelings for him. I don't. I don't." I said, saying the last part more to myself than to the fuming damphir in front of me.

"Back away, Hathaway…" a teasing voice warned. I knew that voice like I knew my own, but I didn't turn. I couldn't look into his green eyes. Just his voice set off memories. _'You have no idea how beautiful you are, or how brightly you shine.' He said to me._

_He tilted his head to mine and kissed me, an arm around my waist, a hand at the nape of my neck. The kiss left me dizzy and breathless. My body wanted more, but I chose my head over my heart, like I always did_

_The heartbroken look in his eyes as I walked away from him._

_"I don't choose you." I told him. He didn't believe me, and I didn't 100% believe it either._

_Whenever he touched me, it was like there was a trail of fire lingering on my skin afterwards._

_His lips, so soft, so sweet, so warm…_

"How long did it take you think up that one?" Rose mocked, and he laughed.

"I had a moment of sheer brilliance, and I realized that 'back away' rhymed with 'Hathaway'." He said, utterly serious. Rose laughed. He walked over to Rose, and I avoided his green-eyed gaze.

"So, you two are friends now?" I asked, jealous for a strange reason.

"Friends? Nah, he's my big brother." Rose giggled out of character.

"That's right, Lillian." Adrian said, giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Chris William Parker, get away from me!" she said, mock-shoving him. I recognized the fake names from when Rose, Lissa, Dimitri, and Adrian were stationed away from court for a month. It was written all over the alchemist records.

"So, how have you two been doing?" I asked, hoping to shake the longing in my stomach. Longing for what? Adrian and I could never be together. I didn't want to be with him, if we had the choice. I don't like him, I don't like him, I don-

"Adrian Ivashkov is a pure genius. An utter, amazing, genius. Don't believe his dumb party boy act. He's a genius." Rose said, and Adrian rolled his eyes.

"How so?" I asked.

"C'mon Sage, even you called me brilliant. That's almost as good as Jacqueline saying that I'm smart." He said with a laugh. Rose grinned, and I furrowed my eyebrows. "My ex. She was...not the smartest person you'll ever meet." he said. Of course he had a girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. He was a player with no morals.

"Ohmigawd, I love forkies so much! They're so shiny! Why are you eating food with a forkie? They're for your head, silly!" Rose said in a high-pitched voice. "But, anyway, you know how there's that black hole in the center of the earth?" Rose asked.

"It's not a black hole, it's a-" I began.

"Annnnnnnyway, Adrian figured out a way to channel all his darkness into the core of the earth. Now he's not crazy. Well, as crazy. His general personality is utter craziness, but his craziness makes him Adrian. We wouldn't want this wacko any other way." Rose explained. She sacked him on the head, lightly, at the word wacko. He was about to say something when the disk jokey cut in, interrupting whatever snarky comment he was about to say.

"Alllllllllllllll right, you party peoples! We're going to bring it down, so grab a partner, and it's time to dance real slllllllow." The DJ said.

"I'll go find Dimitri." Rose bounded off, leaving me alone with Adrian.

"How…are you okay? How have you been?" he asked me. I could hear the concern in his deep, musical voice.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, not recognizing my own voice.

"Well, you won't look at me, for starters…" I looked up at him, and I felt suddenly breathless. He looked the same, but different. His emerald green eyes were full of concern as he watched me in a disconcerting way. His hair wasn't messy, but combed out in a casual but dressy way. It fell into his green eyes, and when I looked into them, I realized just how much I missed his knowing smirk, his snarky personality. "Haven't seen you in a while. Apparently you passed your I-must-dress-as-a-teacher-phase." his eyes swept over me, and I flushed.

"It's just for the wedding." I said with a smile. "So, who are you dating?" I asked. I clapped a hand to my mouth in embarrassment, and was horrified when he laughed.

"Dance with me?" he suddenly asked. I nodded, enchanted with his green eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and a chill passed through me when he set his hands at my lower back. He was still warm, and it felt like my senses were heightened, and I could smell his clean scent, the smell of his cologne, and whatever soap he used.

"Still single for the moment. You?" he asked into my hair, and I could smell his warm breath tickling my face. I blinked a few times.

"Uh, uhhhhh, yeah. Of course." I said. Did he honestly think that a guy would like me that way, after Brayden, and well, kind of...him? "I'm starting to think that I don't really have a soul mate, proposing they exist."

"Believe me, they exist." he said softly.

"Well, I don't know. I may never find him, then." I said. I didn't know what I was talking about. Was I supposed to believe that there's only one person that you're 'destined' to be with? It was all illogical. True love, soul mates, they were all made up to let you believe that you need one person.

"I don't know about that. True love will always find a way." He whispered.

"Seems like you know a thing or two about that." I murmured into his shirt.

"I think I've found her, but…she doesn't feel the same way.

"Tell me about her." I said softly. The song changed, but I hardly noticed. I was focusing on the way that he moved in sync with me, his hands on my waist, his lips buried in my hair, the warmth of our bodies together.

"She…it's hard to describe her in such simple words. She's beautiful, funny, sweet, and caring. She's the smartest person I know. She's scared of me, though. She doesn't like me the way I love her." He whispered.

"Maybe she wants to be with you, but she feels as if there are too many boundaries between them." I whispered, my heart beating fast.

"Doubt it." He said. We stopped speaking, and I was lost in his embrace.

"Thank you for the dance, Sydney Katherine Sage." He said with a ghost of a smile, but pain flickered in his eyes.

I stuck out my hand, and he shook it. I felt a jolt go up my arm.

"I should go eat…" I trailed off. We were still holding hands.

"I'm sure you'll eat a full meal of half a grape." He said. I smiled, but I felt sadness inside me. I knew that I'd see him at Palm Springs, but I wanted to cherish this feeling.

"Uh, bye, Adrian." I said, swallowing hard.

"I'll see you again, this side or the other." He said, this time smiling.

"Huh?" I asked.

"It's a reference, Sage. I…there's a problem. Lissa looks panicked. I'd better go help her." He said, kissing my hand gallantly, and walking over to Lissa, Rose, Jill, Sonya, Eddie, Mikhail, Mia, Angeline, Dimitri, and Christian. I looked at my hand, feeling like ants were crawling over it. I liked it, though.


	2. The Dragomir Queen

I sat on a couch, looking at my clear oval fingernails. I saw a shadow looming over me, and looked into the pretty face of the moroi queen. She had green eyes, but not as green as Adrian's, of course. His eyes were an impossible shade of bright green, while Vasilissa Dragomir's were a light jade, matching her half-sister's, Jillian Dragomir.

"Oh, hello, your majesty." I said awkwardly, scrambled off the couch, and awkwardly bowed.

"Rise." She commanded. I stood up, and she smiled warmly at me. "Thank you." she said.

"For what, your majesty?" I asked, confused. It seemed as if I was confused more and more lately. It annoyed me slightly. When I was growing up, I didn't have very many social interactions, so I was puzzled in many of them now.

"You saved him." She said, sitting on the black loveseat, and gesturing for me to as well. I sat again on the seat.

"Who?" I asked, even more bewildered. She must have seen it on my face, because she gently laughed.

"Adrian. You changed him…inspired him. He is focusing on art, improving on controlling his spirit, using his magic to survive. He can channel his darkness away so he won't drive himself insane. He quit smoking, and he hasn't drunk anything besides for champagne and wine on a few occasions. He has been practicing fighting a lot with Eddie, and he is getting really good." Lissa said smoothly.

"Wow. He didn't tell me any of that." I said, stunned.

"He couldn't find the words. When I first met him, he was such a smooth-talker, but now he gets tongue tied and scrambled when he thinks of you. Also, I don't think you'd really want to hear about how him and I can kill a strigoi with spirit."

"That's impossible." I said quickly.

"It's not, though I can't do it nearly as well as he can. You have to suck the essence out of the strigoi." She said. I blinked, feeling slightly sick. "I'm sorry for bringing it up. Just…take care. Besides, you and Adrian are still going to be stationed at Palm Springs for a while longer. The law still won't be passed." She sighed.

"Can…can I ask you something?" I asked tentatively. She smiled.

"Anything." The queen said.

"Is Adrian truly over Rose? I mean, I saw him kiss her on the cheek, and I was wondering if he still loves her." I said quickly, looking around. I saw Adrian, Mia, and Jill talking at the other side of the beach.

"Of course he loves her. All of us…we're a family. He doesn't have any romantic feelings for her, though. I can assure you. He's moved on." She said.

"To whom?" I asked, smoothing out my dress.

"To you. He likes you, and I can tell that you love him." She said with a secretive smile.

"I don't!" I said, telling it to both of us. I don't like Adrian. He is a flippant party boy, and-

"You're just telling yourself that. You alchemists always use your head, and don't trust your heart."

"How do you know that?" I asked. "I mean, why would you think that? It's not true." I said quickly, my voice a little high.

"It's written all over your aura. You're in love, but you won't admit it." She said almost smugly.

"Your majesty, I-"

"It's Lissa. Only people who don't know me call me 'your majesty'." She cut me off.

"Well, I don't know you very well. I only met you today, but I've known of you for a while." I said.

"You're friends with Adrian, Rose, and Jill. Jill is my sister, Adrian is like a big brother, and Rose is my best friend. That makes you my companion."

"Lissa, I don't love Adrian, with all due respect. He is nice, but he's a vampire. I can't be with him." I told her.

"For now, you can't go public. If anyone can change that unwritten law, though, it's Adrian." She said, smiling when she mentioned Adrian.

"I don't want to be with him, either way!" I said, my voice breaking on the word want.

"You're lying."

"I-"

"It's always head or heart, but you seem to choose your head. I believe that he is your soul mate. Your aura's match perfectly." She informed me, and I looked at my hands.

"I don't believe in soul mates. It's impractical to believe that there is only one person that you are meant to be with." I told her, thinking about how Trey had said that Brayden was my soul mate.

"You aren't meant to be without each other. It's time for you to admit that you like him. Love him, even." The sweet words delivered a punch, and I stared wide-eyed at the queen. Adrian couldn't be my soul mate. It was impossible. He's a vampire, an evil creature of the night. I am an alchemist. I was taught to hate his kind. How can anyone love someone who sucks blood?

"He's a vampire. I don't love him." I said quickly. Her face twisted into a frown.

"Are you saying our kind can't be loved?" Lissa said sharply.

"Well, you are a different species than humans. Your kind survives off blood." I said quickly. She curled her elegant fingers into a fist.

"We were born into this, you know. We aren't strigoi. We don't randomly decide, hey! Lets all become vampires! We were BORN into this. This isn't a choice, to live off blood. We have a soul, just like humans. Moroi and damphirs. I don't know why you humans are so terrified of us. Especially you alchemists. Why? Why do we disgust you so much?" Lissa asked, a fire in her green eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's just that, well…we had the words, hate vampires drilled into our heads since-"

"Get it out of your head, then, because it's not fair. It's stupid. We were born into being a vampire. It was not a choice." Lissa said smoothly but firmly.

"I…I know, but I still have nightmares of being sent to a re-education center. If I interact too much, that'll happen." I whispered.

"Oh, yeah? I've talked to him about it. You want to know Adrian Ivashkov's biggest fear?" before I could say anything, she said, "Tarsov. You think your re-education center is scary? You NEVER escape Tarsov. Victor was lucky. Minimal food, barely any blood. You're lucky if you even survive." Lissa said, a faraway look in her eyes.

"I had no idea…it's not in alchemist records…. we don't know much about it…" I said, biting my lip, and looking at Adrian. He was talking to Eddie, towering over him by about half a foot. His skin was a creamy white, as always, and his hair, though not as messy, was the same mahogany color. Even from the other side of the wedding, I could see flashes of his green eyes, his perfectly chiseled face, and his smirky smile.

"It's held in the place with the most sunlight, so that moroi have a hard time escaping." Lissa said, and I could hear fear in her voice. She straightened. "But, really, Adrian isn't that different from you. Maybe…if you give him a chance, he just might surprise you. Goodbye, Sydney. It was nice meeting you. Just know, you'll need to choose over your head, or heart. Soon." She said, smiling, getting up and walking away. I watched her go, her silver dress swaying.

I don't love Adrian, I told myself firmly. I can't. He's a moroi. Though I chanted this over and over as a mantra, I felt as if I were lying to myself for some reason.


	3. The Dragomir Princess

A bit later, Jill sat next to me, pulling me from my daydreams. "Hi, Jill." I told her, still thinking about what Vasilissa had said.

"Hi, Sydney!" she exclaimed, happier than usual.

"You're awfully happy today." I pointed out, and she cast a glance at the far side of the room.

"Well, it's my aunt's wedding, and Adrian's in a pretty good mood, despite what happened with-never mind." Jill cut herself off abruptly. What had happened with Adrian?

"Adrian…" I trailed off, and then kept going. "How is he? I haven't talked to him in a while." I missed him, no matter how much I denied him.

"Whose fault is that?" Jill said, suddenly angry. My eyes widened at the sudden sweep of anger, and I glanced at Adrian to see if he was affecting Jill. Nope. He was laughing with Rose and Lissa, I noticed with a twinge of jealousy.

"I just wish we could go back to being friends. I miss his friendship." I told her calmly, emphasizing the word friendship. The words felt strange on my tongue, and I wondered if I was lying to myself. I missed our flirty banter, his tender compliments, and our random conversations. Did I want to be his friend, though, and nothing else? I shook the idea from my mind.

"You wish the kiss had never happened? Do you want to go back to Bradley? Do you want to go back to a life where you had a sweet, innocent relationship that had no sparks, no chemistry?" Jill asked with intensity. I fiddled with my dress. The kiss was wrong, no matter how much my body loved the taste of his sweet lips against mine. It couldn't happen again, ever. It _wouldn't_ happen again, I told myself firmly.

"His name is Brayden." I told her, dodging her question about the kiss. Jill looked at something past my head, and looked at me, and then looked back at the thing, which I assumed was a person. She then wiggled her eyebrows.

"What do you have against Adrian? He may seem like just a flippant party boy, but he'll surprise you." She said, defensive of Adrian. I creased my eyebrows, wondering what she was getting at.

"I have nothing against him." I said in an almost robotic tone. I looked at the couch cushion in between us, about to tell her something about silkworms when she spoke.

"Yeah." She exaggerated the word yeah, making it about five syllables. "Would you date him if he wasn't a vampire?"

The question struck me hard. Would I? I had been telling myself that he was a bloodsucker, but what if he wasn't? I shook my head. That would never happen. You couldn't just not become a vampire. It was impossible.

"No. I wouldn't. I am not attracted to Adrian Ivashkov. Is that the reason that you came here? To pressure me about a bloodsucker that I do not like?" I said dryly, and then continued. "You're a little late. The queen already did that. Your sister wasn't very convincing. My feelings for him have not changed."

The words were thick on my tongue. Jill suddenly took my arm, and shook me. _Wow, you sure are strong for somebody so thin_, I thought with jealousy for her tiny figure.

"You can have him! He doesn't have a girlfriend, and he has already professed his love for you. He isn't a guardian set on protecting you, and nothing else. He doesn't look at you like you're barely a child!" Jill exclaimed, and I realized that she no longer was talking about Adrian and I.

"Jill, are you all right?" I asked sympathetically. I hated seeing somebody as sweet and innocent as Jill cry. She immediately used her magic to dry her tears, and I restrained from flinching at her casual use of magic.

"Why do you hate us so much? Who attacked you when you were with Adrian? Lee, a human. Human!" Jill said hoarsely, choking out the word Lee. "Who attacked Sonya in the alley, and shoved your head into a wall? A human. A human vampire hunter, not an 'evil creature of the night'. None of us chose to be vampires."

I felt suddenly guilty for always calling vampires evil creatures of the night. She was right. Only a few humans chose to become strigoi. Other than that, nobody chose to be a vampire.

"I…I know. I was taught to hate vampires." I told her, trying to make her feel better. For some reason, it made her feel worse. She began to cry.

"You hate me?" she asked, her voice shrill.

"No, no, no, not you! You and Rose, you're like my sisters, and not because I'm assigned to pretend that. You can't tell anyone I said that, though. It's a sign of treason." I was shocked at my own words. They were the truth, but it was strange that my two best friends were vampires.

Jill surprisingly hugged me, and after a second, I hugged her back. I didn't know what to do, so I patted her back.

"Hey, Jailbait, can I borrow Sydney for a moment?" a man asked. I looked up to see Adrian, and my face lit up.

"Yeah, sure!" she said, and she walked off cheerfully.

"Hi." Adrian said, sitting down, and I nodded.

"Hi." I said awkwardly, and we laughed.

"So…" he said.

"So…" I said moments later, and he smiled.

"Haven't heard from you in a while. How have you been?" he asked.

"Good."

"That's good."

"Yup."

"This is really awkward." He said, and I laughed.

"How do you like the wedding?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"I love it. I kind of missed all of my misfit friends from court." He said with a mischievous smile.

"I heard that." Lissa said, walking by.

"I meant for you to." He countered.

"Yeah. Sure." She said sarcastically.

"You don't believe me, your highness?" he asked innocently.

"Stop calling me that. You know me better than that."

"Do I?" he asked, and she laughed.

"I know you, you know me." She said.

"Do you really know me?" he asked.

"Yes. You sing in the shower, you sleep-paint, you have tried-"

"And YOU complain that Mister Ozera-"

"Oh, gosh, truce bye!" she said, rushing off before he could complete his sentence.

"What was that about?" I asked, confused. That was when we heard a crash.


	4. The World Righted Itself

I turned away from Adrian, and toward the crash, my eyes wide.

Eddie had tackled Jill, and there was a masked man looming over them with a silver knife in his hand. I assessed the situation, and my heart stopped.

He had tried to stab Jill.

Eddie was off of Jill in a flash, and the next moment, Eddie lunged at Jill's attacker. My eyes went wide with horror when he batted Eddie away. Eddie flew through the air and was slammed into a table of appetizers, and he lifelessly collapsed.

"Eddie!" Jill shrieked. She tried to get up and help him, but the masked figure backhanded her in the face, and she was knocked to the ground.

The man pressed her to him, a knife at her throat. I blinked my eyes, hoping what I saw was an illusion, but no such luck. My breath caught. Why Jill? Why her?

I saw Rose Hathaway sprint towards them, desperation in her eyes, but also determination.

"Take one more step, and the Dragomir princess is dead." He said coldly, and Adrian stood up, and tried to save Jill. I took his arm and yanked his arm, urging him back. His skin was warm under mine. Why was I noticing that in a moment like this? I really was going to Hell.

"P-p-puh-plea-se d-d-d-don't hurt-" Jill stammered through labored, frantic breaths, and Adrian tried to lunge again.

I saw Eddie rise, every slight movement a struggle. Some, but not all, of the pressure in my chest faded.

"Shut up. Another word, and you're dead." The man said.

I should've recognized that voice, but I didn't. I racked my brain for every person, but I couldn't process my thoughts. _I know that voice. I know it well. Where do I know that voice?_ My mind nagged, but I honestly couldn't place where I knew the deep voice.

"You bitch, let her go! You care about her! What the hell are you doing, man? I know you! This isn't you!" Eddie shrieked. I could see the pain in his eyes, his desire to keep Jill safe. This wasn't him being a guardian. Jill held his heart. I had never seen him like this, desperate and frantic. He had always seemed so calm and composed. He began to cry for Jill.

"Do you really know me, Edison?" again, that voice! I knew him. I just couldn't place the voice to a face for some reason.

"Please. Please. Just, let her go. Take me instead." Eddie said in frantic sobs, pleading to the masked man.

"Why would I want a failure like you? You're just a dirty, lowly damphir. You aren't even a guardian, if I recall." The man said, and I could see on Eddie's face that it struck him like a bullet.

"Let her the fuck go!" Adrian suddenly shouted, stepping up before I could grab him.

"If it isn't Lord Ivashkov? You'd be useful. Lazar, take him, too." The man called. Lazar? I had read about somebody by the name of Lazar in my studies….

"No! How-you-you went allegedly insane!" Adrian shouted, and my heart stopped. No. Not Adrian. Not him. I couldn't breathe as she grabbed him.

"You never were the brightest person around. I thought you'd get my act." Avery sneered. "Oh, who were Lissa's other companions? Reed, Simon, grab Rosemarie and Ozera." In a flash, two more men popped out and grabbed Rose and Christian, but all I could think of was Adrian. When she pressed a knife to his throat, it was as if she was stabbing me. If Adrian died…no. I couldn't think about it. It hurt too much. I needed him.

Suddenly, the room was filled with water. This was Jill's doing. I tried to get off the couch, but I wasn't fast enough. Avery grabbed the couch, flipping it over, trapping me under it.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I let out muffled shrieks with my mouth closed, but no one heard them. The air I had was quickly depleting, and I started shaking from a lack of oxygen. I was going to die.

Suddenly, the couch moved off of me, but I couldn't swim to the surface. I had no energy. Somebody draped my arm around their shoulder, and swam me to the surface.

Once we were at the surface, I felt somebody pushing on my chest. Again. Again.

I coughed out a mouthful of water, and my eyes fluttered open. I looked at the man who had saved me. Adrian.

"Sydney, oh, Sydney, I…" he pulled me up and hugged me hard. I sniffled into his drenched shirt. Then I saw a deep gash below his neck, and my mouth dropped open.

"You're hurt." I whispered.

"I'll be okay. I'm just…Sage, I thought I'd lose you." he whispered, and he brought his lips down on mine.

His lips were just as sweet as the last time, but more desperate. He was seeking out my life, and I moved mine against his, moist and soft. I parted my lips slightly, and he did the same.

It was like my world was tilted, and with that kiss, it righted itself. His hand gently caressed my cheek. My tattooed check. The golden lily. My promise to the alchemists.

Everything flooded back to me in a rush, and I yanked away from him, my head hitting the floor painfully. I scrambled away from him. He's a vampire, a voice in my head nagged.

"Sage…" he began, taking a step towards me.

"No. No! Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't even _think_ about me!" I spat, running away from him as fast as I could in these heels.

I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. I just had to get away from him.

''Where are you going?" a voice asked. I whipped around to see a completely drenched Angeline.

"I'm uh…looking for, uh, Jill!" I covered quickly, and she nodded. We walked around until we found an alley, and Eddie was cradling Jill in his arms.

"Jill!" I called. It wasn't until I hugged her that I realized that I might've interrupted a…romantic situation.

"Eddie!" Angeline shrieked, flying towards Eddie. I frowned. I never had liked them together, knowing that Jill and Eddie both liked each other.

"Hi, Angeline." He muttered, sounding annoyed.

"I just wanted to say that I forgive you." she said, a fake smile plastered across her face.

"For what?" Eddie asked, bewildered.

"I know that when you broke up with me, you were delusional. So, I just wanted to say, I take you back." She said, and I couldn't hide my smile. Maybe, just maybe, Eddie and Jill would realize how much that they liked each other.

"I don't. Angeline, we're _over_. I thought that I misjudged you, so I decided to give it a try, and go out with you. I thought that I had pegged you wrong, but you have proven me that my first impression of you was right. You just _like_ flirting with every guy in sight, don't you?" he asked, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Eddie, what are you talking about?" she asked, her voice fake and sugary-sweet.

"Hmm, you've slept with Trey, you flirt with Adrian constantly, and you've kissed Micah. I take that as cheating." He said, and I frowned when I heard the part about Adrian. No. I don't have any feelings for him.

"Trey led me on, and I didn't mean to kiss Micah! It was an accident! And I've never flirted with Ivashkov!" she said, a frantic note in her voice.

"Even if you didn't cheat on me, I would've dumped you sooner or later." He said. _For Jill_, I thought.

"It's because of HER, isn't it?" Angeline shrieked. _Yes_, my mind said.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. What I know, though, is that I do not like you in that way." He said, monotone.

"You know what? I don't need you. Go fuck yourself." She said, and I widened my eyes at her outburst, and at her language. I saw Latte around the corner, and walked towards it. Jill and Eddie followed behind me, talking quietly.

I heard a knock on my door. "Come in!" I called, expecting Jill to talk to me about the breakup. It wasn't. It was Adrian.

"Get out of my room." I snapped.

"This is my house, you know." He said quietly.

"Fine, I'll move out." I said, and he smacked the wall next to him, hard. I kept my face neutral.

"Dammit, Sydney, can you talk to me like a _normal_ person for one moment?" he asked. I got up, and pushed him out of the room, locking my door, co he wouldn't see me cry.


	5. Monster

I was going to hell. It was one thing to have Adrian snatch you and take you into a spirit dream, but it was another thing to have your own dreams about him. I was covered in a layer of sweat, and I was panting and tangled in sheets. The images of Adrian in my mind seemed so real, but so fake.

I shook my head, and brushed my teeth quickly, looking at the day. It was still winter break, which meant that I was stuck here all day.

I walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of yogurt quickly, a spoon, and sitting at the table.

"This sucks." A voice said, and I near shrieked. I whipped my head around, only to find Angeline sitting at a couch. She had her knees tucked up against her stomach, and she was staring out the window intently.

"I'm sorry about the breakup, Angeline." I said softly, taking a small bite of my yogurt.

Angeline whipped her head around, and without warning, walked over to the table. She pounded her fist on it, and everything on the table jumped. "Are you? Are you _really_? Because I think that you were another one of those _stupid_ idiots that were _trying _to break Eddie and I up so Jill and Eddie could hook up. Well, it happened. We're broken up. Jill and Eddie are always, always, ALWAYS flirting. Are. You. Happy?" she said. With each of the last three words, she punched the table.

Before I could respond, Adrian walked out of his room, and into the dining room. "Jesus, Angeline, it's barely _seven_ in the morning? What the hell are you doing? It sounds like a savage, starving cat got in a fistfight with a wall!" he said. I discreetly looked away from him, clad in only a pair of silk boxers.

Being a moroi, he was naturally well muscled, but Adrian was even more muscular than most. He was lean, but had spectacular muscles and a six-pack. His hair, which was usually styled to look messy, was now insanely messy. It was sticking up at weird angles, and it was extremely messy. He looked beautiful, as always.

"Ha-ha. You think you're _so _smart, don't you, Ivashkov?" Angeline spat, and I looked at my yogurt, suddenly fascinated with the plain white color. The flavored yogurts had unhealthy colors, fats, and preservatives.

"Oh, Angel, I don't _think_ I'm smart; I _know_ I'm smart." He teased, and my back stiffened at his new nickname for her. _Get a grip, Sydney! _I scolded myself. _You don't have any romantic feelings for Adrian Ivashkov. Why should you care if he has an unoriginal nickname for her?_

"You have your moments." Angeline said, twirling a lock of her strawberry blonde hair on her index finger. I had a sudden-and irrational-urge to strangle her.

"Well, if I'm up, I might as well get everyone." Adrian said, and he walked off to get Jill and Eddie.

Minutes later, he returned, wearing a black t-shirt, and Eddie made breakfast, a trait I didn't expect the guardian to have. Well, he always surprised me.

To my dismay, I was sat next to Adrian and Eddie. I kept dutifully avoiding his green-eyed gaze.

"I'm sorry." Adrian said suddenly. This caught me off guard, as I was listening to a conversation between Jill and Eddie about wild chickens.

"Pardon me?" I asked, mentally kicking myself. Pardon me? Where did _that_ come from?

"That day in my apartment, when I first kissed you." I was stunned. Was he apologizing for kissing me? "I'm sorry for letting you walk away from me. I should've put up a fight.. I should've done something-anything. I should've done anything _but_ let you walk away, Sydney." He said softly, looking at me intently. I wavered under his gaze, and looked at my half-eaten cup of yogurt. My stomach growled.

"I've got to go. I'm full." I said, throwing my yogurt away, despite my stomach's protests.

I locked myself in my room, and looked at my homework that I was assigned over the break. I smoothed out my Calculus homework, and began to work out the problems, hoping that my studies would distract me from the world around me, but it didn't. Adrian clouded my every thought.

I stayed in my room, only coming out for food and drink, until night. I couldn't face Adrian, knowing that I might say something stupid.

"Sydney." A strict voice said, and I groaned, and pulled the door open. I saw Angeline, and she quickly explained what Jill told her. ((If you want to see exactly what happened, go to my profile, and read my other fanfiction, The Will Of The Dragon. It tells you exactly what happened, in Jill's perspective.))

"What do we do?" I asked, concern for Adrian thick in my voice. Angeline gave me a small smile that I didn't really like.

"We all camp out in his room so I can protect you guys." She said. I blushed at the thought of sleeping at his room, and then shook my head.

"I'm fine…"

"No, you're not. Come on." She pulled me to his room. I was about to make some excuse, like saying that I wasn't dressed, but I decided against it. I was still dressed in black shorts and a blue tank top from the morning.

"Uh, I'll sleep on the floor." I said quickly, and Angeline shook her head firmly seconds after I said that. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Then _I'll_ sleep on the floor?" Adrian said, just as confused as me. Again, Angeline shook her head at the suggestion.

"You'll both sleep on the bed." She said firmly.

"Really, Angel, that's not necessary, I'll just-" his protest fell on dead lips, and she shook her head again.

"It'll be easier to guard you both if you're close. And on the same bed." She said, gesturing to the bed with her hand.

"Really, Angeline-" I began.

"I'm not arguing with you." she said. I just hung my head, and crawled into the bed. Adrian grumbled, but climbed in a moment later.

It wasn't a very large bed, so our shoulders were pressed together, sending heat waves through me. I grimaced, and turned my head away from him, but I could still feel the warmth throughout the night.

When I woke up, my face was only inches away from Adrian's. I let out a muffled shriek, and jumped away, hitting the wall that the bed was pressed against.

Angeline sprang up in moments, assessing the situation with wild eyes, but when she saw no danger, she shrugged and walked out of the room.

I heard a deep chuckling, and realized that Adrian was laughing at me. I felt blood rise to my cheeks.

"It's not funny!" I squeaked, which caused him to laugh.

"It kinda is."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is…what are we fighting about?" I asked, dumbfounded, and he laughed.

"I have no clue." He said. I burst out into laughter, and we laughed together until our sides ached. When we calmed down, I rested my head into his shoulder.

"I miss this…the way it was…before the kiss…" he pulled away sharply, and I sighed. "Why can't we just…pretend it never happened?" I pleaded, missing our friendship.

"Because it did happen, and something like that you can't just…forget, just like that. It's not that simple. I only wish it was." He said softly, and it was like he punched me in the stomach. He was talking about Rose. He was using me. He kissed me, hoping that it would make him forget Rose. He didn't feel the same way. He thought it was…just another kiss from another girl. Nothing special.

"You're talking about Rose, aren't you? Grow up, she didn't choose you! Why does everything always come back to Rose for you?" I snapped at him, trying to fill my words with poison, but I knew that some of the hurt in my voice came through. Adrian groaned, no doubt at the mention of Rose.

"No, Sydney! I'm over Rose. Why won't you open your eyes and see that? You're not a slave to those alchemists. Some of their teachings are pretty damn stupid and hypocritical. They don't control your mind. You're your own person. Act like it." he said, frustrated. He got up and began to pace the room.

My eyes widened at the remark. "Well, I'm sorry. Sorry for trusting you. I'm sorry for trusting a monster that wants sex and nothing else. I'm sorry for believing that you were ever my friend. If you ever want me as a friend, come to me, but I doubt it, since you're a _monster_ who doesn't care about anybody but yourself." I knew my words weren't true, but I kept saying them. No. They _were_ true. Vampires were monsters. When I saw the heartbroken, hurt look in his emerald eyes, though, I couldn't be sure which of us was the real monster. I walked out and shut the door. I kept telling myself that I did the right thing, but it didn't stop me from breaking down and crying when I finally got into my own room.


	6. Just Friends

In the morning, I heard a knock at my door. I opened it, finding Adrian in only a pair of swim trunks. I blushed. "Adrian, I-"

"Meet us at the pool." He said simply, turning and walking away from my room. I took a step after him.

"Adrian, wait, I…" I what? I didn't lie yesterday. I had no need to apologize. He was a monster. He was a vampire.

After finding the swimwear, I flipped through it. There were only small bikini's, to my dismay. I wore a halter-top black bikini top with matching bottoms, and went into the pool.

The first thing I saw was Adrian looking at me with hurt in his green eyes. I tore my gaze away from him, and slipped into the cold pool.

Angeline swam up to me in a moment's time. I looked at her curiously. There was a secretive smile on her face that I didn't quite like.

"Hi, Angeline…" I said cautiously.

"Hi, Syd." She said. I frowned at her nickname. I hated being called 'Syd'. It was unprofessional, and the casual nickname made me feel like a boy.

"Yes, Angeline?" I asked, not bothering to play as two friends who just wanted to talk. Angeline was my friend, I guess, but she wasn't the type of girl to come up to me just to talk about meaningless nonsense.

"What?" she asked, trying at being coy.

"Why did you come to me?" I asked.

"What's your problem with Adrian? You're so obviously in love with him." She said bluntly. I coughed on a mouthful of chlorine when she said that.

"It's wrong. There can't be anything between vampires and humans." I said, fiddling with my wet blonde hair. I slowly swam over to the shallow water, where I could stand easily, and she followed me, not giving up.

"Really? I'm the daughter of a moroi and a human. Am I an abomination? Am I wrong? Is my culture wrong? Is my society wrong?" she asked, her voice taking on a nasty edge that scared me. I swam a few feet away from her, and I backed into concrete.

"Not you. The Keepers have different rules. I have…strict rules. I'm an alchemist. I can't go against what I've been taught my whole life." For some reason, the words sounded phony. It was like I was reading from a script that I have been reading my whole life, and I was getting tired of the words.

"Pathetic. You're not a slave to the alchemists." She said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and gliding away.

Another person soon replaced her presence. "Hey." Adrian said, and my face lit up when I saw his green eyes.

On impulse, I reached forward, and hugged him. He almost took a step back, but he hugged me back. We held each other, and I leaned into his chest.

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I whispered, and I could feel him nod against my hair.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shoved you into a corner like that. Are we good?" he asked, pulling away so he could look into my eyes. I missed his warmth against me.

"Yeah." I said.

"Good. I'd like to be friends." Adrian said.

"That ship has sailed, buddy." I teased, and he pouted.

"What if the anchor drops, and it stops, and my ship catches up, and jumps on your ship?" he asked, his face the perfect picture of utter seriousness. I burst out laughing.

"Modern day ships don't have anchors anymore." I countered, and he shook his head.

"Oh, Sage, must you make everything logical?"

"Somebody has to be."

"Nobody has to be _that_ logical, Sage." He countered.

We argued about logic for about ten more minutes, when he looked at his watch, which was, of course, waterproof.

"I have to go." He announced. Eddie and Jill didn't notice.

"Where to?" Angeline asked.

"I'm getting lunch at ~insert fake restaurant~ with a friend." He said. This got my full attention, as he didn't talk about his friends much, other than us.

"Who?" I asked casually.

He climbed out of the pool. "Natalie Green. She's from my art class." Adrian simply said, and walked away, no doubt to do his hair.

I just stood there, my mouth open. Jealousy welled up in the pit of my stomach, and my hand clenched into a fist. I whipped around, and saw Angeline staring at me, an amused look on her face. "What?" I snapped, and she started cracking up. I had the sudden urge to slap her. I wanted to slap everybody, especially Adrian and his stupid little friend.

"You look so mad! You should see yourself!" she said in hysterics.

I was never much of a drama queen, but that didn't stop me from running to my room and slamming the door as hard as I could once Adrian had left for his date with Natalie.

Jill and I were eating sandwiches on the balcony of Adrian's second floor.

"It was like my insides were on fire, and there were chills over my skin, and his lips were so soft! I mean, I've kissed a lot of guys, but I know he's the one judging by how the kiss made me feel." Jill rambled on.

I froze. When Adrian and I kissed those two times, it sounded the exact same way.

"Ooh, look, I see Adrian and his date!" I peered over the balcony and to where she was pointing.

Sure enough, Adrian was walking, talking, and laughing with a girl. She had stunning red hair that ran in curls to her waist. Her face was dotted with freckles, and she had pale green eyes. She was skinny, but she still had big breasts and curves. She was wearing a light green sundress that perfectly matched her eyes. She was beautiful.

I immediately hated her.

"She's pretty." Jill cooed. I nodded stiffly.

Natalie leaned up on her toes, grabbed his shoulders, and kissed him. His arms went out around her waist, and he pulled her closer. I glared, and for reasons unknown, I kicked up all of the pebbles and soot from the roof and sent them crashing down to the roof. Then I walked back into the house, a scowl on my face.

"Sage?" a familiar voice asked. I composed myself, and walked over to the door.

"Yes?" I asked, pulling the door open.

Adrian walked in, looking around my room as if he had never seen it before. We stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Why did you do it?" he asked me firmly, shattering the silence. I cocked my head to the side and played dumb.

"Do what?" I asked him.

"You know what." He said.

"Huh?"

"Not cute, Sydney. I mean when you kicked rocks over our heads when Natalie kissed." He said, frowning, but there was a curious glint in his eyes.

"It was an accident." I said simply.

"You don't want me, but I can't have anybody else?" he asked softly.

"It's not like that." I whispered, and he tilted his head.

"Oh, really? Because from what I see, it's exactly like that." He retorted, and I bit my lip. "What do you want, Sydney?" he asked me quietly.

"I don't know." I muttered. He was about to say something when his phone rang.

"Hey, Nat." he said, and my hands clenched into fists. I could hear some talking at the other end that I couldn't understand, and he laughed.

"Yeah, sounds great!" he said, and again, I heard the voice at the other end. I pretended to be fascinated with smoothing down part of the bedspread.

"I'm using oil paints for that one." He said. After a few seconds, he began talking again. "It dries faster, and it's better for blending in colors." He explained. After about ten more seconds, he said, "Yeah. You too. Later!"

"Who was that?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound casual. I twirled a lock of my hair on my index finger.

"Natalie." He said.

"So…she's your girlfriend now?" I asked, realizing I was still clenching my hand into a fist. When I looked at my hand, there were red marks there in the crescent-moon shape of my fingernails.

"I dunno." He said, biting his lip. We sat there in an awkward silence for a few more seconds until he stood up. "I've got to check up on Jill." He muttered, and I nodded.

"Yeah. Of course." I said. I watched him walk out of my room. When he reached the door, he looked back at me, and I looked down and began to fiddle with the edge of my skirt.


	7. Alert

Hey you guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I update on tumblr often, so could you guys follow me on tumblr?

( ) that's the link, just without the parentheses.


	8. Everything's Clearer in the Dark

**Hey! I'm so so sorry-I lost motivation for a while to write, but the Indigo Spell trailer gave so many new ideas. I'm really excited to continue, and I hope you guys like this new chapter. I'll try to update regularly from now on =)**

**I love all the reviews! They always make me smile.**

**I don't own Bloodlines. I wish I owned Adrian, though… -wink wink-**

* * *

I had always hated nightmares. Ever since I was little, I had had nightmares after a bad day. The worst thing was that I could almost never remember nightmares, though. This one I remembered crystal-clear, though.

_I was running from nothing, from something, from everything. Faces were flashing past me as I ran, wind whipping in my face. Everything was a blur, but I knew I was scared. Suddenly, everything went black. Visions flashed past me, the colors now too bright, too sharp, to be real. They went by quickly, but I could grasp each one._

_Jill tortured and bloody._

_Zoe an alchemist._

_Myself in a re-education center._

_Strigoi._

_My mother taken away._

_Carly being raped._

_Adrian dead, staring at me with lifeless green eyes._

_And somehow, it was all my fault._

_Suddenly, all of their faces blurred, being taken away from me. I screamed, and tried to reach out and grab the faces I loved so dearly, but they slipped through my fingers. In moments, my arms were being seized by my father and another alchemist to re-educate me. I screamed, but nobody heard me._

Somebody was shaking me, and my eyes immediately popped open. I could feel they were wet, and I wiped the tears from my eyes.

It was still dark out, but I couldn't tell if it was late night or early morning. My eyes opened to see a pair of green eyes hovering over me, worry thick in them. "Sage?" Adrian asked quietly, and I blinked again.

"Yeah?" I asked stupidly, my tongue heavy.

"You were crying." He said, moving so he was lying next to me on the bed, or faces inches away. I could feel his steady breath on my cheek, and I nodded.

"Just a bad dream." I said, not turning to face him.

"About?" he asked quietly, and I noticed that there wasn't a trace of sarcasm or cockiness. He was serious, and caring. Even though it was only for a moment, it was enough to make my cheeks flush pink.

I didn't know where he and I stood. He kissed me, and told me how he felt about me, but then…with Natalie…

I shook the thought out of my head, and realized I hadn't responded. "Just…I don't know. Everything is falling apart…in my dream." I added quickly, causing Adrian to give me a questioning glance. I just shook my head, and continued. "I just feel like…after Jill was attacked…I don't know. I just feel like everything has fallen apart, and everything is changing, but…I don't want it to. I just wish…" I paused. I didn't even know what I wanted. I took a long, shaky breath, and choked back a sob.

Adrian immediately sensed something was wrong, and tilted my head so I was lying face to face with him. I turned my body to him, so close that our chests nearly touched. "I know." He said quietly. He didn't make any move to hold me, knowing if he did, I would fall apart.

We lay there, staring into each other's eyes for what seemed to be an eternity, but it was only minutes. He finally broke the silence. "What do you mean by 'how it was before'? Before you were stationed here, before Jill's attack, or before…" he trailed off, but I knew what he meant. The kiss.

"Adrian…" I sighed, and he shook his head, dismissing the question.

"I know, I know, besides…you have Natalie…" this made Adrian sit up and stare at me questioningly. I sat up as well. "What?"

"You honestly think Natalie and I are an item?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Usually kissing and hugging means 'an item'." I used finger quotes, unable to keep the cutting sarcasm out of my voice. _You're being unreasonable, Sydney. She could be a perfectly sweet person. Stop judging her_, my reasonable voice said-a voice that had faded since I came to Amberwood.

"We're only friends." Adrian said, laughing at me. My cheeks flared angrily, which made him only laugh harder. "Aww…is Sage _jealous_?" he teased.

"I-wha-I am not!" I stammered indignantly.

"A-a-are you sure?" he teased, his shit-eating grin only widening at his imitation of my stammering.

"Yes. I'm sure." I said more firmly.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you like me." He chuckled.

"If you think I like you, you are stupid and ignorant and a _lot _of other things." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"See, Sage, I think you _like _those other things." He said, and got up and left my room, trying to suppress his laugh.

I flopped back down on my bed, angry. I did _not_ like _Adrian Ivashkov_. I shook my head to myself. I would never have a silly crush on a vampire, I told myself as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**Sorry, this was a kind of short chapter.**

**Please review!**

**Also…I was thinking of changing the title of the story. If anybody has any ideas for a cool title, please tell me! The title I pick can request any Sydrian one-short idea and I'll write it. **


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